Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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