i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
