btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize