So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
