It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize