He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
