Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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