WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
