It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
