Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
