all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
