I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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