i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
