My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
