Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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