Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
