the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize
