I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
