walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
