the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
