I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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