We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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