WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
