new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
