she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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