Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
