wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize