guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
