so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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