I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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