There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
