she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The Olympian is in my bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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