I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
