I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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