I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
