If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
