Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
