Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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