just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
