You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
