i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
