trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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