I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
and she was petting her beer can
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
