do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
