I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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