never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
All the doctor said was why
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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