I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
