so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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