I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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