She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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