before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
