thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
