Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
