it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
