I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm too high and old for this...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
