I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
