If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
