Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
sex in a hospital.. check
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
