He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
