Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
