i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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