I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Bring me that man meat
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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