I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize