I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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