If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
