I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
