Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
