bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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