It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
