I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
