I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
