So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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