sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
