I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
