burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
