i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
