Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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