There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Two words: nipple clamps
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