Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize