guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
